How They Choked

For my 1st review back, I thought it’d be appropriate to talk about dead people that failed at life.  Hence the book, How They Choked by Georgia Bragg and Illustrated by Kevin O’Malley.  This book follows the failures of famous people throughout the history of mankind.  It’s kind of that question that goes through your head, “They were so cool, where did they go wrong?”  Well we’re gonna find out!

So here’s the story … or stories.  Each chapter follows the life’s and failures of people that everyone has at east heard of once in their lifetime: Marco Polo, Isabella of Castile, Montezuma II, Ferdinand Magellan, Anne Boleyn, Isaac Newton, Benedict Arnold, Susan B. Anthony, George Armstrong Custer, Thomas Alva Edison, Vincent Van Gogh, J. Bruce Ismay, Joseph Jefferson “Shoeless Joe” Jackson, and Amelia M. Earhart.  All the chapters start off by their backstory and then followed by the events that made them famous.  Now I don’t wanna spoil some of these stories, so I am gonna write one for you guys based on a famous person right now to show you how the book works.

Justin Drew Bieber was born on March 1, 1994 (don’t go away yet … keep reading), in the friendly country up North from us, Canada.  He started posting videos of himself singing songs on YouTube and was discovered by Scooter Braun, and managed to introduce him to the “founder” of Justin Bieber, Usher.  After that the world was diagnosed with Bieber Fever … Until the year 2009.  His catchy “Baby” themed songs started to bore with the older community that clearly hypnotized the younger generation known as the “Bieber Believers”, the “Beliebers”, or my personal favorite, the “Bieber Brats.”  Once Justin’s reign of terror was coming to an end, he started causing trouble in the United States after he turned 18.  He was caught throwing eggs at his neighbors house, getting arrested for drag racing on the streets of Miami while driving under the influence of alcohol, and having his bodyguards attack people.  Petitions went out  trying to get him deported back to Canada and away from our beloved country.  While people were trying to get rid of them some people took opportunity to place Bieber back into reality, like Germany taking Justin’s monkey from him and keeping the monkey in Germany, and everyone’s new God, Orlando Bloom, who punched him in the face!  After the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber, Usher realized that he wasn’t the founder of Justin’s success, and he then need to end the reign of Bieber.  So he created a cruise full of the Bieber Brats and placed Justin Bieber on the cruise and sent it to Antartica.  While on the Cruise, Justin was mauled to death by his own fans, while the fans froze to death trying to get locks of Justin’s now dead hair.  Thus ending an era that will without a doubt, be forgotten.

That is basically how the book is, but not as creative as mine!  As I read the book I realized something.  The reason why these people are famous is because they were either really stupid, or they were just jerks!  Like J. Bruce Ismay, he was the owner of the company that built the Titanic.  He hired a captain that had a history of causing trouble with boats, he took away a ton of lifeboats because they made them look ugly, didn’t tell anyone that the boat was sinking until the very last minute, locked the gates so the 3rd class couldn’t escape cause he didn’t want poor people on the upper deck, AND THEN instead of going down with his ship, he got a lifeboat claiming that there were no more women and children to come aboard, which clearly is a bunch of bologna.  WHAT … A … JERK!!!!  The only one I didn’t feel was quite accurate was the Vincent Van Gogh chapter, no mention of the Doctor at all, #TheFeels!  Most of the people though you will not have sympathy for them at all.

So my thoughts on the book, it’s a pretty good read.  Although, I got this book at a Scholastic Book Fair while I was helping out at the elementary school I work at.  And the chapter about Anne Boleyn, Henry the VIII’s 2nd wife wasn’t really “kid friendly.”  But other than that, it’s a good way for kids to learn about the mistakes of others, so they don’t make those.  But they most likely will, I could totally see some kid in the future give gruesome sacrifices to bring back the sun the next day!  Hopefully I am not around when that happens.

That is my 1st review back, and it felt pretty good.  I promise to bring out more reviews as much as I can.  If you have a book for me to review, please leave a comment down below, and I will try to get the book done as soon as I can!

- BorenNerdy